When Insults Had Class...
 
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
 
A member of Parliament to Disraeli " Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.
"That depends, Sir , " said Disraeli,"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
 
"He had delusions of adequacy ." -Walter Kerr
 
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
 
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -Clarence Darrow
 
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
 
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -Moses Hadas
 
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -Mark Twain
 
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -Oscar Wilde
 
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." -George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
 
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second . . . if there is one." -Winston Churchill, in response
 
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop
 
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -John Bright
 
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -Irvin S. Cobb
 
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel Johnson
 
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -Paul Keating
 
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -Charles, Count Talleyrand
 
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -Forrest Tucker
 
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -Mark Twain
 
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -Mae West
 
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde
 
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts . . . for support rather than illumination." -Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
 
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -Billy Wilder
 
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx

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9/14/15