This was sent to me by a friend. Being a goat owner myself, I found this interesting and wanted to share.


Goat Politics
A Satirical Look at
Government Structures

by Laura Dawn Lewis

Has it been a while since you took political science or world history?  A little rusty on your government structures?  Couples Company has put together a little Goat Politics to help you understand the differences between core government structures by using goat ownership as illustration.   Here they are: (Click on the name to see the serious definition)


SOCIALISM: You have two goats. You keep one and give the other to your neighbor and the government keeps any kids, (no one goat herder can be richer than the next)..

COMMUNISM: You have two goats. The Government takes your goats and shares the milk with you and your neighbor but rations the wool at exorbitant prices and then forces you to cut any clothing made in half to share with the rest of the population.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two goats and your neighbor has two cows. The ruler decides since the goats aren't producing enough milk or wool and “Baa” each time he passes, there is a goat conspiracy. He orders all goats killed and creates new anti-goat laws.  Since you tend goats, you are also considered an enemy of the state.  One night you and your goats’ carcasses disappear never to be seen again.  The next day the dictator changes the law. A bull charges him. Cows are now conspirators.  That night your neighbor disappears and his cows are shot.  Since the dictator has killed all of the milk sources he develops osteoporosis and blames the doctors.  Doctors are now outlawed and considered conspirators...TOP

MONARCHY: The king owns a herd of goats.  By decree you are responsible for two goats.  The king keeps all the milk, wool and any kids your goats have and sells the proceeds back to you at a steep mark-up.  You then pay the king a tax for the privilege of caring for his goats on his lands and if you do a good job and don't cause trouble, he lets you stay.  If you cause trouble, fail to pay his taxes or he is unsatisfied with your work, he takes his goats, locks you in prison and throws your family off his land.

FASCISM: You have two goats. You give the milk to the government.  The government turns around and sells it back to you at a 400% mark-up, but only if you are the "right" kind of human being.  If you're the wrong kind, not only will you have to buy the milk back at a 400% mark-up, you'll need to survive a walk through a mine field, numerous checkpoints and escape the refugee/concentration/internment camp to claim it. TOP

CAPITALISM: You have two goats. You sell one, leverage the other and use the proceeds to invest in bulls.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two goats. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk, who gets the wool, whether each becomes community property.  As you all have just one vote, they can vote to reallocate your goats to another person without justification or reason simply because your neighbors don't like your new hairstyle. TOP

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two goats. Together with your neighbors you elect one person to represent the interests of the group. This representative proposes and passes legislation that determines who gets the milk, who gets the wool and how much you owe the government for the privilege of owning goats. If you're lucky the person you all elected will think the same as you and let you keep your goats without taxing them to the point you can no longer afford to keep them.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two goats if you vote a certain way. After the election the president is impeached for speculating in goat futures. The press dubs the scandal  "Goatgate" and you are taxed for capital goat-gains on each hypothetical goat you were promised but never received.  Since you can't pay on paper goat gains, the IRS seizes your property and places a lean on all future goats, thus recycling you through the state welfare system where you finally receive your goat.

ANARCHY: You have two goats. Your neighbors conspire to set you up.  You are arrested by the secret police and never seen again.  Meanwhile your neighbors steal your goats.