These Are Funny
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. "Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh," says Emma, "I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home."
"That's fine," replied the cop. "Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around his privates. I consider that animal cruelty. Have your husband take care of that right away too!"
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" Asked the husband.
"He said the reflector is broken."
"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?"
"I'm not sure, Jacob, something about the emergency brake."
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to make him move, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."