Rules of Living in Rocky Top
Those who live there will understand...
1. Never, and we mean NEVER plan a wedding for a weekend when UT
plays football. That is what open dates are for.
2. You must learn to pronounce the city name correctly. It is
3. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.
has its own version of traffic rules....the Trans-Am with the loudest
exhaust goes next at a 4-way stop. The
truck with the biggest tires goes after that...
4. All directions start with, "Go down to Kingston Pike"... which is
the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end.
5. Henley Street turns into
and may also be called Highway 441. Broadway turns intoMaynardville
and may also be called Highway 33.
turns into Kingston Pike and may also be called Highway 70. Magnolia
Avenue turns into
Asheville Highway and
may also be called Highway 11E.
6. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush
hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
7. If you stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed
out, and possibly shot.
8. Construction on I-40 / 75 is a permanent fixture of
life. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make
the next days driving a bit more exciting.
9. Do not slow down on I-640 when you get close to the
Western Avenue overpass.
The Knoxville Police Dept parks empty police cars strategically around
town. If you are drinking a beer or eating a donut throw it at
the empty police car as you pass.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on wave them to
the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been
11. Local traffic reports and
natives will often refer to the Pellissippi
You will however, find no road signs marked as such.
is actually Interstate 140, but don't refer to it as that when talking
to locals because they will have no idea what you are talking about.
12. The minimum acceptable speed on the
is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
13. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
14. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Dogwood Arts
Festival is going on.
15. Any and all shopping should be done in
The Metropolitan Planning commission in conjunction with experts in
urban sprawl, have paved every piece of usable property between UT and
line. All shopping should be done in the large homogenized, box type
structures erected there.
16. Knoxville Center Mall is actually in
West Town Mall is just to the east of Downtown West.
17. Halls has IT. (IT apparently refers to the highest number of
Baptist churches per person.)
*****18. No one who lives in the town of
is actually from
or even the South. Admiral Farragut was a Union Soldier. Yep , they're
19. It is better to stay off the roads on Saturdays in the fall, as
3 out of 4 drivers have had way too much Jack Daniels at the ballgame
and the fourth driver is a cop.
20. There is nothing up in the Sunsphere. Don't try to go up there.
21. It is a good and honorable thing to work on a mobile home sales
22. Yeah the mountains are pretty, but how 'bout them Outlet Malls!
23. Don't ask anyone about
Two headed deer and three eyed Carp do appear naturally in the wild.
24. Never point and laugh at anything painted
no matter how bizarre or tasteless, unless you want to get your butt
25. It's pronounced "NEEland" Stadium.
26. The Chamber of Commerce says parking after dark in the
be "pretty safe".
27. In order to run for any political office in
you can have no more than a 5th grade education and you
must mispronounce at least every other word. (See Mary Lou Horner).
28. If you see a really interesting old building in
there is no doubt a plan to tear it down.
29. The two tallest buildings in
and the 1982 World's Fair were built by two brothers who promptly filed
bankruptcy and went to prison for bank fraud. If your last name happens
to be Butcher you might want
to be careful.