For Women Only

A 76-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor said, "Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

Harry replied, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off." "Wow, that's incredible," the doctor said.

A little later in the day, the doctor called Harry's wife. "Ethel," he said, "Harry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"

"Oh my Gosh!" Ethel exclaimed. "He's peeing in the fridge again!"

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,   he shouted to me,   'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'   'It depends,' I replied.   'What does it say on your shirt?'   He yelled back,   ' ALABAMA  !' And they say blondes are dumb....  

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned 90!!! Gotta love that fairy!

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end to wipe.

 Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'