Reflections from Passion '06

Oh my goodness. I need sleep. It’s ridiculously late, and I’m still sitting here in front of the computer, typing away like crazy. Have you ever felt extremely exhausted but knew that if you tried to sleep you wouldn’t be able to? That’s me tonight. If you could look into my head right now, you would be blown away by all the various thoughts floating around.  It’s filled with reflections from the past four days, plans for an officer training meeting and annual report, ideas for getting a job as a medical sales representative, and a list of so many other things that I need to do before school starts back.      

I’ve been reflecting on the Passion conference non-stop since I got into the car to drive home. This past week has been absolutely fabulous! It’s been filled with highs and lows, but oh, God is good! It was last September that I committed to going to the Passion conference, and I’m so glad that I did. I needed that experience more than I could have even imagined. I found myself distracted at certain times during the conference, and I remember talking to the Lord, just asking Him to help me concentrate on Him so that I could hear what He wanted me to hear. And can I just say that the Lord never ceases to amaze me! I mean, really, when you give it all to Him, be prepared to see some amazing things happen. That’s exactly what happened to me this week. Oh, there were just so many highlights during the week. I will eventually get around to sharing all of them, but I’m just going to start with some of the biggest highlights for tonight. 

I was selected to be the group leader for my family group. When they asked me, I was pretty stunned. I remember thinking, “Lord, I don’t know if I’m up for this. I’m not perfect, not even close. If only they knew my past, if only they could see this past year, oh Lord, they would definitely pick someone else.” But I knew that if God was calling me to lead, He would give me what I needed. He does every time. I sometimes wonder when I’ll finally comprehend that it’s not about me. It’s not about what I can do; it’s about me giving up my pride and being willing to open myself up to let the Lord work in and through me.    

My past is, well, just that…the past. I can’t change the choices I made. It’s impossible. But by God’s grace, I am forgiven. The Lord has even blessed me with gifts from those bad decisions. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I never want to go back to the pit I was in. Oh, I never want to go through that again. Ever. And I know that the Lord will use my past for His glory. I love this quote: “God’s work in your life does not change your past, but it can change the effect your past has on your present. If you look to Him, His work will help you avoid repeating mistakes of your past and accept the present for what it is” (The Unspoken Rules of Love). Somewhere, someday I hope I’ll be able to share what happened, and maybe my bad choices will keep someone else from making the same mistakes. Unfortunately, I know that there are still consequences because of my choices, and even though I’m forgiven, I will still have to deal with those consequences.     

Another highlight: I met some really incredible people this week! I mean, with 18,000 people flocking to Nashville to experience what God has in store for them, it’s bound to happen. But I met one person in particular who left a lasting impression on me. This guy just shines so brightly for Christ; it’s very evident that he is in love with the Lord. I mean, he really, really loves Him! Oh, you could see it so clearly in his actions and his talk. And it encouraged me more than words can say. It was actually a very personal experience for me. It was like God was allowing me to see a glimpse of what a man of God should be like. There are so many tiny details that I can’t even begin to write them all, but I will say that I’m so thankful for that experience. So thankful. Maybe you can’t relate to what I’m trying to describe, but let me tell you, it was absolutely incredible! It was as if the Lord was saying, “Look, Brittany, do you see that Godly man? Are you paying attention to him? Are you hearing what he has to say and watching how he acts? Okay, good, because the man I have for you is going to be like that. Yes, the one I have for you is going to be a man of God. Remember, I told you to trust Me. I know not only your needs but also your deepest desires. The man I have for you will love you in such a way that you will know it’s Me loving you through him. Can’t you see how it’s going to be worth it? Just continue waiting and trusting in Me. I’m not going to let you down.” I was so excited that I called my mom to tell her about it…how I was able to see a clearer picture of what a man of God looks like. It was like the Lord opened up my eyes, and I was no longer blind. I mean, I’ve always had an idea about what I thought my future husband should look like – and being a man of God is definitely number one on my list. But I was so disillusioned by the past, and this was absolutely one of those defining moments for me. It also confirmed everything that the Lord’s been doing in my heart about not dating for the sake of dating. I want to wait for the man that God has for me. I know it’s going to be worth it.   

That encounter also made me take a deeper look at myself and ask if I’m that woman of God. Because I’m going to have to be a woman of God in order to have a man of God. I want to be the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31. When my future husband sees me for the first time, will his heart leap for joy because he sees how much I love the Lord? Will he smile and rejoice as he sees me trying to serve Him? Proverbs 31:30 says that “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Oh, I want to be that woman!