1) Know Jesus, right now, or if you don't know how, then get a hold of me and we'll talk about it.  Actually, don't let that stop you from reading this, but it's still something you need to do.

2) Whatever your plans are for the first week of January 2007, change them.  You need to go right now and sign up for Passion '07 in Atlanta.  I can guarantee it will change your life.

Now then, with those things accomplished, let's get down to business.  As most of you know, I spent this last week in Nashville at Passion '06, and I was woefully unprepared for all that God had in store to show me.  I have grappled mightily with trying to summarize all that I learned and wanted to share with as many people as possible.  After many failed attempts at shortening this, I have abandoned that plan and am simply going to share my journal entries from my days at the Conference (with some slight editing regarding my more personal thoughts... these will be made available to a very select few on request).  Anyhow, I realize this is a very long entry that will take some time to work through.  I highly recommend you invest the time.  Why?  Not at all because I think that I am so important that you should read what I have to say, but because my intent here is to display the glory of Jesus as He revealed it to me this week, and He truly is worthy of your time.  So, without much further ado, I give you Passion '06.

January 2, 2006 - Passion '06: Day 1

Oh WOW!!!  What a night, I know I said that I felt unprepared for this week, but it didn't matter; there was no way I could have prepared myself for this.  I know that we are not here for the praises of men, but as I watched the camera pan across Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, Louie Giglio, David Crowder, and Charlie Hall, glory, it must be what it felt like to sit under Peter, James, John, and Paul.  Then, to watch 20,000 members of the Body of Christ unleash such extravagant worship… well, as I said, totally unprepared.

I am going to have to get on my face before a holy God and make sure my heart and life are ready to deal with Him this week.  Sara managed to get us seats on the arena floor, which I found to be much preferable to the nosebleed seats where Tyler and I began our evening.

Louie preached on the glory of God, no small topic in itself.  He made a number of excellent points: 1) God is determined to exalt Himself as the greatest thing in existence; 2) There is NO ONE in history who has done for me what God has done for me, and that say something about me, but even more about Him; 3) Our satisfaction and God’s glory are the same thing.  You know, there are some lessons about God that we may hear our whole lives, but it doesn’t click until He decides that it is time to do so.  Tonight, He allowed me an ever so brief glimpse into just how much He did for me through His Son, Jesus, on the cross, and I am ashamed.  I am so unworthy of such a love, but I say praise His name because He did it anyway.  Thank you, Jesus!

After that, we dismissed to Community Groups (CG) (our “small” groups of 1,000 each) where we were subsequently divided into smaller Family Groups (FG).  My group consisted of Brad (Tullahoma), Steven (Memphis), Felicia (Dalton, GA), Emily (Oklahoma City), Carmony (Oklahoma City), Ruben (New Orleans), LaRuth (Little Rock), and Linda (Chicago).  They selected me as family group leader, and while the CG pastor assured us that it is not a major role and we are simply to facilitate discussion, I still feel responsible for these lives entrusted to me for this brief time.  I am especially challenged because it is going to test one of my weakest areas: my ability to shut my mouth and let others share and to encourage them to do so.  I can already see that God has much to teach me.

I pray that God would remove all distractions/hindrances to my worship of Him this week.  While one of my long-time memory verses, Jesus brought me back to 1 John 4:10 tonight and reminded me anew that the greatest act of love is not my love for Him, but Him loving me, even while I hated Him.

January 3, 2006 – Passion ’06: Day 2

          My goodness, today has been an exhausting feast at God’s table, surpassing even last night.  The morning began with CG/FG time and we looked at Philippians 1 where Paul says of course dying as a Christian is our better option, but we are granted life solely to glorify God.  In FG, we shared stories of persecution for our walks.  In the morning worship session, John Piper preached (I mean, really, does it get any better than this?), and that man just makes me feel very small and dumb, but in a good way.  He spoke on “the greatest display of the glory of the grace of God is in the suffering of His Son, and in our suffering for following Him.”  Basically, he spoke to the fact that suffering was part of God’s original plan for all things.  “The implication is that the One who was infinitely undeserving of suffering did so for those who are infinitely deserving of infinite suffering.”   (Revelation 13:8, 2 Timothy 1:9, Ephesians 1:4-6; Revelation 5:9-12).  Thank you, Jesus!!

          Basically, God permits sin to enter the world, by design, and is ordained to do so, be followed by the curse of suffering to see the stage set for the display of glory.  I also loved the point he made where he said that Satan’s only weapon against us is the accusation of unforgiven sin, but this weapon was destroyed at the cross, and now, the worst Satan can do is kill us.  Powerful.

          Next, I watched 20,000 people get lunch in 20-30 minutes, we’re getting into fishes & loaves territory there.

          In the afternoon, you could choose Breakout sessions to attend, each with different topics.  We, of course, chose Piper and God did not disappoint.  The topic was preaching the whole counsel of God on campus.  He talked about seven counter-intuitive categories that Christians won’t preach for fear that people won’t understand.  I confess that, two years ago, I would not have been ready to hear this sermon.  In sum, the points were thus: 1) God rules the world of sin, suffering, and bliss; yet, though He wills that such suffering be, He is without sin.  (His control extends to everything from the death of Jesus right on down to the roll of the die in Las Vegas); 2) God governs all steps of all people, both good and bad, yet holds all accountable for those actions; 3) All are dead in sin, yet are responsible for coming to Christ, though they cannot on their own; 4) Jesus is one person with two natures: He upheld the world by the power of His word even while He was born of His mother’s womb; 5) Sin, though committed by a finite person in a defined time period, is worthy of infinite punishment; 6) The death of one man so displayed the glory of God that He is not sinning by declaring unrighteous people (you and I) righteous by faith in Jesus alone; 7) Do not assume that old books which say startling things are wrong.

          Afterwards, we checked out the Go Center (the large, open space of the convention center with the store, a missions area, worship graffiti, etc…) and a bunch of us went to supper.  The lines at all of the restaurants in downtown Nashville were out of control because that’s what happens when 20,000 people try to eat in the same roughly two hour period.  However, this provided a very unique opportunity to see the Body of Christ acting as it ought all the time.  Tyler and I opted for the Chinese buffet because, well, we were hungry.  The line was backed out the door, but as we progressed, I saw the most amazing thing.  We Passion-goers were easily identified because of our badges, and I saw people standing in line going up and cleaning off the tables and inviting others to join them so that everyone would have a chance to eat.  Now, clearly, we are called to much more than this, but it just struck me as to what all the Body would truly be capable of if we always showed one another this kind of love and consideration.  Just as is said in Romans 12:10, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.”  Love was shown in the streets of Nashville tonight, I say it’s time for revival to break loose.

          Tonight, Beth Moore humbled my prejudiced heart.  I’ve always though that she had an anointed ministry, but never felt like she really had a message for men.  How wrong could I have been?  Woman absolutely brought it home.  She preached on the Law of the Harvest (Galatians 6:7-10).  I learned that it is possible to “meditate upon, study, even memorize the Word of God, but never sow a thing.  Then, we go away full, but only for a time and without sowing for a harvest.”  The part of the message that really spoke to me was on I’ve heard countless times in church, but just found a fertile heart this time.  I am such a wretched, filthy sinner who has wasted so much time sowing sin, and I have no recourse except to beg forgiveness and ask Him to lay waste to that field of sin.  I know His grace is enough, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be released from the consequences; and while I would rather not have to endure that, if it will bring Him glory, then I gladly submit.

          In FG, we carried on that theme of planting and uprooting, and praying over one another.  All in all, I’d have to say a pretty incredible day.  Tyler and I also talked about how freeing it is to no longer treat such trips as giant girl-hunting experience (as any guy who’s ever been on a youth group trip can tell you about.)  Oh, I also spoke with the prospective youth minister and told him that I was going to be staying at Passion tomorrow night instead of coming back for church.  I really just feel like the Holy Spirit wants me to go to the “Me, in Ministry?” Breakout tomorrow.  I’m going to continue to seek His guidance on how to blend my calling of ministry in the legal/political world with my love for serving the kids back home as their youth pastor.

January 4, 2006 – Passion ’06: Day 3

          Okay, this is just starting to get ridiculous.  If God continues to pour out much more blessing on me as He has today, I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself.  I know it is always dangerous to try and put things into perspective too quickly, but I say with certainty that I will look back on this day as one that changed my life.  My mind is racing at 1,000 miles/minute right now, I just have so much I want to get down on paper.

          To begin the day, we discussed James 1 in CG/FG, and how our greatest joy should be found in suffering for Christ.  We then had a time to pray over each other, not for deliverance from suffering, but rather for the faith to endure such suffering. 

          Piper preached again at the morning session on the fact that, if we are living Godly lives, suffering is coming.  We also looked at the fact that Paul says he is in constant peril and dies everyday.  Then, I was forced to question why it is I don’t suffer more.  I am encouraged by the fact that, in its 2,000 year history, the Church is never more vibrant than when it is suffering intense persecution.  I think the American church is in dire need of such a shake.  I feel like the children of Israel must’ve felt when King Josiah took the throne.  The Word of God had been lost, and they all thought they were worshipping correctly.  But, when Josiah found the Law in the Temple, they learned that they were completely incorrect and had to come back to God.  I pray the same for the U.S.  Namely, that God would raise up a mighty generation of warriors for His, and if we are too lazy or hard-hearted to do so, that He would withdraw His hand from us so that we would be driven back to Him.  I would rather live out my life persecuted and clinging to Him as opposed to one more day of comfort bound to the lies of Satan.

          Then, it happened.  Understand, this did not in any way take my focus off of Jesus or diminish what He was doing.  In fact, I think it brought completion to it.  There was a moment that many people never experience in a lifetime, at the same time both exceedingly wonderful and deeply terrifying.  As we left the arena for lunch, as God would have it, a young lady of such exquisite beauty as I have never seen (both inward and outward, though it would be yet a short while before God revealed the inward to me) joined us. 

I say the moment was wonderful because I soon discovered that every time she opened her mouth, her words were filled with the sweet fragrance of praise to our King, discussion of His truth, or encouragement for others.  Let me tell you right now, it gave the heart of this cynical man reason to race and I was just absolutely stunned.  I say the moment was terrifying because, by the end of the day, it began to dawn on me that God had allowed me to just encounter a daughter of His like whom I would almost assuredly never meet again.  I don’t want to waste a moment of it by speaking, because I want to hear every word she has to share, every thought that she has to offer.

There will be plenty more to come on this extraordinary woman of Christ in a moment, but first, back to what else Jesus had in store for me this day (I told you it was getting ridiculous).  After lunch, I went to the “Me, in Ministry?” Breakout.  If nothing else, I really appreciated the practical, non-sensical approach taken towards the call into full-time, vocational ministry.  There would be no empty, emotional calling here.  The pastor affirmed some things I already knew, such as the fact that, as a child of God, I am already a minister, regardless of my career.  He also said something else that resonated deeply within me.  He said it was vitally important to NEVER sacrifice your family for the ministry.  That struck me because the legal field is certainly notorious for being very demanding of one’s time, and I feel that Ephesians 5 teaches me that putting anything, save Jesus, ahead of my wife is idolatry because I am to love her as Jesus loved the Church.

Now then, as I said, I felt like this session was the reason that God had me stay at Passion instead of going back over for church, but you know, I am so petty and self-centered compared to His plans for me.  Yes, He did have a lesson for me to learn, but He also had a divine appointment for me on a Nashville city bench. 

As everyone was heading to dinner, I decided to walk with them, and then break off to go get some food since they were going somewhere that served alcohol.  I discovered that there are five places in downtown Nashville that don’t serve it, but unfortunately, they all had very long lines once again.  Now, if you know me, you know that wouldn’t stop me from eating, but on this night, I was restless, and just couldn’t wait in line.  So, I started walking, but eventually exhausted my options there, and I just plopped down on a bench to prepare for corporate worship while waiting on my friends to finish eating.  As I sat reading God’s Word, a man sat down next to me.  In physical appearance, he didn’t quite look like the stereotype of a homeless person, but he was very rough around the edges.

Now, I confess one of my many sins here.  I am so quick to judge people in that particular situation and feel like it’s their problem, they should get themselves out.  Also, I always think they are just trying to sell a story.  Try not to think too badly of me for this.  Anyway, I would normally have excused myself and left, but on this night, I strongly felt the urge of the Holy Spirit to stay and talk.  His name was Curtis and his life has been one filled with misery.  He was without a home, but had just gotten a job.  I talked with him about Jesus, learned that he was a believer, and then spent some time praying over him.  (I later learned that my friends had seen us and prayed for us, what a blessing you all are to me.)  I then took him to Sbarro’s to get a hot meal and was able to put a little money in his pocket.  Whether for good or evil, I don’t know, but the important thing is that this is not about me or anything I did, but rather, about that he hopefully had a chance to see the love of Jesus.  I pray that the small bit of money would just be multiplied to God’s glory and that Curtis would go and tell others of King Jesus. 

This was all possible because I actually listened to God for a change and instead of doing the “right sounding” thing (going back for church), I skipped supper in Nashville and received one of the greatest blessings ever.

Having experienced Jesus in such a personal way, it was time to rejoin the Body and worship Him together.  As if I shouldn’t have seen this coming, God had more blessings in store.  He gave me the privilege of getting to worship standing side-by-side with His daughter, of whom I spoke earlier.  It is a rare privilege to behold someone worshipping Jesus with their whole heart, and it only further enriched my own experience.  We also took an offering for Passion and I pray that God will just multiply it 100 times over for His glory.

Louie preached his Indescribable sermon which, oh my, if you can’t hear this and just awe at the glory of God in His creation, something is wrong.  In fact, I’m going to pause right now while you go to www.268generation.com and order that DVD.  Go ahead, I’m not going anywhere, go order it… got it?  Good.  It is so powerful to think that the Jesus who hung on a cross for me was the One who called this universe into existence with the utterance of a word, and held it in the span of His hands (Isaiah 40, Hebrews 11:3).  This is why I can say blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed is the Lamb who was slain to take away the sin of the world, blessed is the One who suffered the wrath of God in my stead, blessed is the name of Jesus!!

In CG/FG, I learned a few things more about God: 1) If God is so huge, then my prayers need to be God-sized; 2) IF God is so huge, then whom shall I fear?; 3) If God is so huge, then I cannot go on living as though He is some small part of my life.  Number three is where I need to continue to focus my efforts, and that is making sure that every single aspect of my existence is a reflection of Jesus in me.

I met my new friend to walk back to late night worship in the arena, but we had been asked to come back in silence.  I feared that this would be awkward, but I was pleasantly surprised as it felt like so much was said that could never have put into words and could only be found in silence with our hearts fixed on Jesus.  I wonder if she feels the same?

Also, watching 20,000 people converge on one building from all over downtown in silence is pretty incredible, and then to raise our hands to praise the Holy One without uttering a word was a very intimate moment with the King.  And finally, joy of joys, there were several who received salvation.  Watching their brothers and sisters flock to them, wow, it just makes me so anxious for Heaven.  To think that we are given the privilege to share in bringing others to salvation, do you realize what an extraordinary honor has been bestowed upon we who were so wicked and filthy, but redeemed by the blood of the Lamb?

I drove back to Murfreesboro alone tonight, and I know that was God, because it gave me time just to hear all that He had to teach me from the day.  And you know, meeting this extraordinary young woman has in no way distracted me from my worship of Jesus.  Rather, it is like He is allowing me to see all that He is teaching me in her.  I cannot wait to see both Him and her tomorrow.  There is just a splendor about her that I can’t quite describe.

January 5, 2006 – Passion ’06: Day 4

          Ahh, today drew Passion to a close, and I truly feel like I have feasted at God’s banqueting table.  While I could go on feasting, I know that there are other parts of the feast in which I must now partake.  I’ve already had to swallow one bitter pill, but more on that in a minute.

          Our last CG/FG time was a sweet time of prayer for one another as we were challenged by the woman at the well in John 4 to go and take what we’ve learned into our dark places.  I have been so blessed and learned so much from my FG and I hope I have led them well.

          While I may have been thinking that the last main worship would have simply been a time of wrap-up and reflection, I would have been horribly wrong.  God still had some final lessons for me before I left Passion.  Louie spoke to all of those not called into the vocational ministry, but who had a passion for some other area of life.  God kicked the door down on the affirmation He began at yesterday’s Breakout.  I walk so confidently knowing that my ministry is to be in the legal/political arena (a dark place if ever there was one), and it has been so encouraging to get to talk to my new friend and hear that she has a passion to take her ministry into the professional world.

          Louie kept talking to those called into the world and said we must: 1)  Love God supremely; 2) Engage the culture with excellence; and 3) Connect with the Body of Christ.  I am so refreshed and excited by the challenges of going back to law school and the law firm and burning brightly.  I pray that God would help me to be slow to anger, generous in my love for others, quick to stand for Him, and bold in my convictions.  That He would teach me to walk that line of loving others like He does, but never compromising His truth, that I would never back down in fear or cowardice and that I would rejoice in whatever suffering may come.  Jesus, I need you.

          The final time of worship was wonderful as they raised the giant (as tall as the arena) worship graffiti cube.  It was quite moving to see everyone’s heart poured out to God like that.  After the Conference was over, I got to spend quite some time just talking with and listening to my new friend just amaze me at every turn of conversation with her love for Jesus.  We talked until they ran us out of the arena, and then we just kept on talking.  It was such a privilege just to get to pray over her and stand in the presence of God with her.

          Finally, as much I didn’t want to, we had to go our separate ways and so said our good-byes.  I was walking away to go meet Tyler when I had the most obvious epiphany in the history of epiphanies.  That sparkle and splendor I had been trying to place since I met her was quite simply what it is like to behold someone who is overflowing with the love of Jesus.  And here I was about to just let her walk away.  I sprinted (a relative term for me as speed is not exactly my forte) to catch up with her and get one more glimpse of such magnificent love for Jesus and to just speak with her for a moment more.  This time, we really did say good-bye.

          I watched her walk away when God, who I know often speaks in the still, small voice, started screaming at me.  He said, “do you believe Me now?  All those times you have prayed for the one whom I have selected to be your bride for you to love like I love you and who you said couldn’t possibly exist when I told you just to be patient, do you believe?  That young woman who just walked away is my daughter and I love her dearly.”  Needless to say, God now had my undivided attention.  He continued, “do you remember all this time you’ve been praying that I would be with whomever I had chosen for you, that I would protect her, keep her near to me, bless her, use her for My glory, and prepare her for you?  Do you understand now why I told you to be patient?  I wanted to take the time to make her just perfect for you, now do you believe Me?  Of course, you weren’t exactly ready to be a model husband yourself, and you still have much to learn, but you have also learned much these last few years.  I have heard your prayers that I would keep you steadfast, pure, and holy unto her; that I would give you the wisdom, vision, strength, and boldness you would need to love her as I have loved you, and to lead as I have called you, and to make you into the man I called you to be; that I would allow you to see her needs and to be wise in meeting them; that I would allow you to notice the little things in order to make her wonderously happy; that you would always be an encouragement to her, never tear her down, and sharpen her walk, even if it is painful; that you would be a rock and shelter for her during life’s storms, and that you would have to completely pursue me just to get to her.  I have heard your prayers, and now that I have shown you that the kind of wife you long for truly does exist, will you still be patient while I complete my work in prepare each of you for the other?”  Happy are those who wait on the Lord, indeed.

          Then, God got very serious with me, and said, “I demand more than any earthly father, and before I will even let you near one of my daughters, you better be in My Word and decide if you truly want to live up to that standard, because in Me is the only way you can.  Do you understand that, when I say you are to love her as My Son loved the Church, that I mean it?  Consider everything He did for the Church, even though they didn’t deserve it.  You must do the same for her, and to put anything ahead of her, except Me, is idolatry.  Do you understand that your marriage must be built on My Son and centered upon Him?  If so, then continue to be patient, I am doing all of these things, and when I am done, you are going to be speechless at the marvelousness of My work.”  Believe me, I realize the preceding conversation sounds very strange, but I have never in my life felt such a peace wash over me.  I now understand the old phrase, “the peace that passes all understanding.”  For those that know me, I had a permanent goofy grin on me all day and will probably wake up with it tomorrow.

          Time to go home, and God again in infinite wisdom, proceeded to knock me squarely off of my spiritual high-horse.  He revealed to me that my past temper and arrogance had left some dear friends feeling as though they could not come to me with their hurts or spiritual concerns for fear that I would quickly pass judgment.  This cut me to the quick and I had to first seek Jesus’ forgiveness and now need to go to them and personally seek the same.  I fear having been a stumbling block or hindrance to any of their walks, and the thought makes me sick to my stomach.  However, if I learned nothing else this week, it is that God is bigger than my failures and will use for good that which I did for evil.

          Now I, like many of you, have been on countless trips where I returned with a full head of emotional steam, but no firm ground to keep the heart going.  So, I ask God and you to hold me accountable, do not let me be lax or lukewarm in my zeal for Him, my love for others, my study of His word, or my service to Him.

            Jesus, words cannot begin to thank and praise you for what you’ve done this week, so I intend to let my life do the talking for as long as you choose to allow.  I long to see Your face, but until hen, I give myself over to You for Your glory.